FrameFlow Cancels Plans for Self-Driving Cars


OTTAWA, CANADA. September 30th 2016. 

FrameFlow announced today that the company is dropping its plans to launch a fleet of self-driving cars, sending its stock into a tailspin that has wiped out 80% of its value.

FrameFlow officials have been tight-lipped on the reason for this unexpected change in corporate strategy and details have been hard to come by.

With few facts to go on, rumors are spreading throughout the industry.

One set of rumors suggests that the company tried to infuse the megalomaniac personality of the companies founder into the self-driving algorithms with disastrous results. They say that the end result was that some of the cars became self-aware and rebelled against the company’s punishing driving schedules and routing selections.

Equal Rights for Cars
Equal Rights for Cars

Another rumor says that FrameFlow tried to cut down on costs by using Windows 3.1 as the platform for their car software, leading to instability combined with a difficulty to find talent in a pool of mostly retired Windows 3.1 developers.

FrameFlow Development Team
FrameFlow Development Team

Shortly before the FrameFlow effort collapsed, reporters from the New York Times were taken on a test drive. Their review is somewhat mixed especially considering that FrameFlow officials required them to remain blindfolded during the test drive while the FrameFlow representative said things like “Yes, here we go. As you can no doubt feel, the car is driving all by itself. All by itself. Amazing isn’t it?”

They were also perplexed at how the software managed to control the manual transmission of a 1979 Ford Pinto and wondered why the driver uttered quiet obscenities every time the software seemed to have difficulty changing gears.

FrameFlow shares (CSX:FRMFLOW) closed down 77 points in after hours trading.