OTTAWA, CANADA. January 29th 2016. FrameFlow Software announced today that it plans to acquire a fleet of corporate jets with the goal of keeping be better contact with its wide and varying customer base.
Said FrameFlow CEO Don Leclair, “Our customers are distributed across the world and having our own private jets will allow us to arrange personal visits on a much more frequent basis. In fact, I will personally visit each customer on monthly basis to offer my guidance and suggestions.”
A long time customer who declined to be named, hesitantly looked forward to the increased customer service. He was quoted as saying, “The visits from Mr. Leclair are appreciated and it’s probably just a coincidence that when he is here our staff complains that someone has raided the company fridge.”
FrameFlow’s new fleet consists of Boeing 747-100’s, Boeing 747-SP’s, a couple of Tupolev’s and various other aircraft that were quietly acquired over the last few months. Continues Mr. Leclair: “It’s true, some of them are fixer-uppers but we believe we have the skills to put them together into at least two functioning aircraft.”
FrameFlow’s newly appointed CFO, Mr R. U. Pennybags, said that the purchase and remodeling costs would be financed by divesting other FrameFlow assets including their remote Pacific island and all the shares acquired during their disastrous takeover bid for NASDAQ:GOGL. He was quoted as saying “Those were hard lessons but we are now prepared to move forward with our aeronautical ambitions.”
Technicians from FrameFlow were busy developing new advanced avionics based on the same skills and expertise used to develop FrameFlow Server Monitor. For example, instead of “fly-by-wire” FrameFlow is pioneering a new technology called “fly-by-SNMP”. This new technology uses SNMP traps to alert about low fuel conditions, and uses SNMP polling to show altitude, air pressure and other critical metrics.
So that FrameFlow staff can work in-flight, innovative updates are being made to bring the cabin interior up to high technology expectations. Said Mr. Leclair, “Stowed under each seat will be a full HP DL380 with 128G of RAM, and 16 terabytes of storage. Our acoustic studies have already proven that the cabin noise from four Pratt and Whitney turbofan engines at full throttle is the only thing that can drown out the chassis fans on one of those things.” Seatbacks will feature touch screens but USB and headset ports will be replace with a bank of full duplex gigabit ethernet ports complimented by two fibre-ready SFPs.
In alignment with their “SNMP in the Air” strategy FrameFlow is proposing a new standard for distress calls with a set of much more specific alerts each with their own unique SNMP OID. Said one FrameFlow engineer, “The generic Mayday call simply doesn’t communicate enough information. Imagine a world where a pilot can call out ONE! DOT! THREE! DOT! SIX! DOT! NINE! DOT! FIFTEEN! DOT! SIXTY-FOUR! and the air traffic controllers can immediately know that the aircraft is losing altitude.”
Press officials questioned why FrameFlow required so many full size airliners when they have a combined staff that is relatively small. A FrameFlow spokesman was quoted as saying, “Well, the original plan was to go the fighter jet route. One of our European partners promised us a few Saab 37 Viggens but sadly they never followed through on that. Mr. Leclair is still pretty sore about it.”
FrameFlow shares (CSX:FRMFLOW) on the Cambodian Stock Exchange closed up 12 cents on the news.
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