OTTAWA, CANADA, JUNE 30th 2015. Barely one month after announcing a corporate headquarters move to a remote Pacific Island, FrameFlow officials announced today that their headquarters would be moving again.
FrameFlow President and CEO, Donald Leclair was quoted as saying “We listened to our staff and their comments on the length of their commute and cramped subterranean quarters. Today we’re ready to announce that we’re moving back to Ottawa.”
Local press officials crowded the stage, eager with questions how about how FrameFlow’s return to Ottawa is bound to have a positive effect on the local economy and maybe trigger a boom and hiring spree across the local tech industry.
“It’s true. It’s all true.” said Mr. Leclair, “It’s big news that we’re coming back to Ottawa where we plan to dramatically expand and innovate. We could be the next Nortel Networks! Except for that whole sudden collapse and bankruptcy thing.”
FrameFlow CFO, David Reynolds took the microphone to address the audience saying “There’s certainly a lot of excitment building, but as CFO, it’s my role to be frank. We have significant challenges ahead of us. Looking back, perhaps our previous headquarters move was not as sound on paper as it seemed at first. And selling our previous tech campus to the Jehovah Witnesses is another move that maybe could have benefited from additional reflection.”
With murmurs of concern drifting through the hall, Mr. Leclair returned to the podium, saying: “We understand you concerns but there’s no need to worry. Using the innovation skills that have made FrameFlow Software famous, some say infamous, we are announcing today that we’re moving to a new tech campus. It’s got everything going for it. It’s fully furnished, has ample parking and features a world-class cafeteria. That’s right, my friends, we’re moving into the business section of the local IKEA.”
Despite thunderous applause in the meeting hall, business analysts expressed concerns about the feasibility of this move with several questioning its legality. When asked why they would not be evicted by IKEA security, FrameFlow staff would only say that they will crouch down quickly whenever anyone passes by.
Undeterred by the doubts of others, FrameFlow officials proceeded to announce several related changes to their product line and service offerings. Starting July 1st 2015, FrameFlow Server Monitor will be known as “FrameFlow BERKMAT” and the multi-site edition will be known as “KABNOODL.” FrameFlow Cloud Alert will be renamed “TRAMROP,” and finally FrameFlow’s SNMP Browser will go by the name “SNOMOPPO.” In one bright piece of news, industry analysts are in uniform agreement that SNOMOPPO is at least marginally easier to pronounce than SNMP.
In after-hours trading, FrameFlow shares (NASDAQ:FRMFLW) were trading down lightly on medium volume.
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